Is This What Crazy Feels Like?

Good morning!

I told myself, when I decided to start this new blog, that the only way that this would be beneficial to anyone, including me, is if I agreed to be 100% totally honest, and use my absolute authentic voice. No more “everything-is-perfect-all smiles-all-the-time” blog posts for me! So here goes nothing…be brave…be brave…you can do it…

This morning I awoke from a really bad dream, my second in two nights. It was one of those dreams that leaves you shaken to the core, because unlike the nightmare from two nights ago, which was obviously caused by stress going on in my work life, this one hit too close to home. I watched one of my younger sisters fall to her death. UGH!!! Ok! Now, I know it was just a bad dream, and I am sure my lil’ sis is just fine, cozily snuggled up in her bed, fast asleep, but this dream may have been the final straw in my realization that my inner child’s needs are not being taken care of!

You, see there are a lot of areas of my life that I have been settling for second best, or even completely ignoring for far too long; areas like my work, health, finances, fitness, friendships, contribution to my community, commitment to my personal growth, and even my free-time and play has been suffering! And because I have not been honoring my authentic self in quite a while, my inner Chrissie is starting to throw a tantrum! You know the kind of tantrum I’m talking about? The kind that we’ve all seen kids throw, on the floor in the middle of a busy grocery store aisle, the kind where mothers of the offending child embarrassingly and yet innocently turn around and say, “Who’s child is this????”, as if it couldn’t possibly be theirs!! 🙂

I am learning that my inner Chrissie has a tendency to throw her own tantrums when she doesn’t get enough attention!

I can’t possibly be the only one who has ever experienced this, can she???

To top that off, there is a long history of mental illness in my family, and my biggest fear in life – and I mean bigger than my fear of being abandoned, or even my bigger fear of spiders (and anyone who knows me knows that THAT IS HUGE!!!!), my biggest fear is that somewhere along the path, that is my life, I am going to run right smack into mental illness, like it was just waiting all these years for just the right moment to strike, like a cold germ that was just waiting to be caught. This morning, after I awoke very shakily from my nightmare, my first thought was…

Is this what going crazy feels like????

I told my uber-sweet and ever supportive husband, “I think I am having a nervous breakdown”, and, without missing a beat, which was shocking because he was still half asleep, he reached out to hold my hand and very lovingly told me, ‘Well, you better get it over with quickly.” He was so serious, and yet so cute when he said it, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Thanks, love!” 😉

I know he meant it in the nicest way possible, but what he was really saying was we don’t have time in our schedules for your to be having a nervous breakdown right now, so please, get it over with quickly enough so that we can get you out of the house and to the office on time! LOL! 😉

As I am sitting here, in bed, typing this (yes, I know a laptop in bed is not good bed etiquette, but desperate times calls for desperate measures!) I can’t help thinking, “Ok, little Chrissie, I hear you, how can I get you to happy so we can sleep with sweet dreams again?”

The answer to this question is why I am here. That is why I created Beautiful Creatives AKA This Beautiful Life. My goal in this journey is that I can help myself, and in turn possibly help others get unstuck in their lives, and get from where they may find themselves, unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilled, un-whatever (I’m just talking from my own experiences here), and get to where their souls are longing to be – mine included! I have a girlfriend who is a psychology professor, and she likes to say that you become what it is you need in your life, and right now, that is what I am hoping to do. I need a life coach, a mentor, a cheerleader, someone to hold my hand as I walk through this journey that is called life, I need resources for time management, stress reduction, overall getting-my-crap-together-ness. I want to use my personal experiences to help motivate and inspire others to stretch out, baby step by baby step and live life on purpose and to live life both deeply and widely! We were never meant to be one-dimensional beings!

I am not exactly sure what all this is going to look like, but I am going to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open and see what comes my way!! I hope you will join me, and I look forward to sharing more of my life with you, and creating a fun, and beautiful sisterhood of love, support, and encouragement!

Here is to living beautifully!

~Christina 😉